I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
