I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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