Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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