No stitches, just platelets and will power
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
