I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
