Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
