There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
