im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
