Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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