After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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