like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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