it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
