I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
