I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
