One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dicks are not precious.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
