I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
