Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
