Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
