I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
