Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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