a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
