I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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