need another drink. this is the easiest way
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
where are my eyebrows?
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