I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
