Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
