go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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