There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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