I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
