out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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