im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
