I'm jealous of your bromance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
