Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
