I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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