What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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