just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are the jesus of drinking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
