she woke up with a sticky ear
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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