I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
