Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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