I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
