I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
