I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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