I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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