twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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