She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
