Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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