just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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