R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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