hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
