the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
