Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
